Memoirs of Madness~21

He sleeps soundly in the other room, his room as I still sort out what's left of the damage I have caused. I still feel torn, but less torn that I have made my choice and even now I do not know if it is or will be the correct choice. It has been not quite twenty four hours since Sky proposed, even less time since Wyatt turned everything crazy again. I know, should anyone ever read these words or try to fathom how I feel, they will never understand the depths of how much I hated myself only a few hours ago. There are no words to describe how I feel in this whole situation. Yes, either way you look at it, I had someone waiting for me. But either way I looked at it, I was going to hurt someone and was not something i relish. I could never make anyone understand that I am truly in love with both men, that neither relationship or lack there of is a joke to me. This is very real and very painful. And no matter the outcome, I had to tell the truth to everyone involved. I had started with Wyatt late last night and tonight I had to finish it with Sky. I stood before him outside of the apartment, his apartment, and had to fight with the right words. Yes, I had accepted his proposal and yes I did..I do love him, but I couldn't accept the ring. Sky does not have all of my heart and in all honesty he never did. And to this day, I swear, no matter what happens between Wyatt and I. I don't think I ever will be able to give my full heart to someone. The torment on his face, the look of betrayal was more than I could bear. Because he had done nothing but love me fully and a small part of me, hell a big part of me had cheated him out of what he truly deserves. He deserves better than me. I am sure there will never be any forgiveness in his heart and my selfish self can't bear to not have him in my life either..not as I would have Wyatt, but none the less. The damage is done and I have caused it. Again i have forsaken all else to be in the arms of the one who commands my attention at all times in some small and large part. As ugly as the truth is..it also is beautiful in its purest form. I love the man who sleeps peacefully in the other room. I love him with a passion so deeply that it scares me. I think it scares him as well, only I am not sure if its my love that scares him or his own for me. Maybe, it is a combination of both. But I could not live with myself if I didn't try. If I didn't give everything I had to all of this. No more hiding how I feel, trying to keep myself in secret, and I can love him fully and completely for all the world to see. I am so sorry, Sky..sorry that I hurt you so deeply, sorry that I betrayed you. My only wish is that you find someone who will give you what I couldn't. My heart is heavy for Sky, but it rejoices at the sight of the man sleeping within my gaze. I have heard you never get over your first love and I believe that is what Wyatt is for me. So many centuries alone and now he has found me and I am. I believe this is truly meant to be. So I will try and shrug off this black shadow that is hanging over Wyatt and I and do everything in my power to do right by him and to some day make amends for the hurt I have caused to both Sky and Shara. There is nothing else I can do tonight, my heart is both heavy and light and I am exhausted from all of the emotion of the past couple of days. I shall go join him now in his slumber and wrap my body around his to remind myself just how very real this moment truly is...