Memoirs Of Madness~19

Life does not always turn out the way we plan it. Hell, it never turns out the way we intend or plan it to. Why freaking play nice with those words. Someone once told me, someone with an amazing amount of troubles in her own life, "never write your life in pen, always write it in pencil for it is ever changing." Little does she know no truer or wiser words have been spoken. I guess Wyatt is now in the middle of this life lesson which I am sure he has already been taught many times over. All of us constantly learn this lesson over and over again. It seems things between him and Chris are not going as smoothly as he would have liked. It is not my place to judge or question someone's motives, but it seems to me Chris is the kind of person who takes his partner for granted. Once he believes Wyatt is firmly his again, he tends to go about life and not tend to Wyatt's needs. Now, I am the last person to ask any relationship advise from, for obvious reasons. But why tempt fate if you truly love someone? It seems crazy. And when Wyatt became so bold as to ask me to leave Sky, not that he's not bold any other time in his life, I hesitated. Oh, may the gods, the fates, or whomever help me. I hesitated and almost said yes! What is wrong with me? I am in love with Sky! It's real! It's sweet with no strings attached and I don't have to hide our relationship! It's as perfect as a relationship could get, simple, uncomplicated...and I hesitated and almost threw it away on a man who surely gets his way all the time. I told him no, that I would not leave Sky for him,  and in a manner such as I am sure he did not see the doubt or the hesitation flicker on my face. Oh but the look on his face wounded me. I don't want to be a plaything or a distraction for someone when everything else in his life seems unstable. I think I only add to the instability he lives in. I didn't do it to wound him or get my revenge, because I would still give everything to him. I said no to protect myself and to stay in a healthy relationship where everything feels right and I am never unsure of myself or out of control. This all unfolds into what has happened this evening. It is the predawn hours of the morning and I have slipped quietly from Sky's bed to find a quiet corner to write. How could I ask for anything more than what I have been given tonight as Sky led me on a walk that ended in a place settled with flowers and lit candles. Standing in the middle of those flowers this man I have come to truly love and treasure in the purest sense poured his heart out to me as he got down on bended knee. The gem from the engagement ring even now catches my eye as it is reflected in the soft waning light of the moon coming in through the open window. I have to pause every so often from writing to admire it again, a smile constantly on my lips. And it is right..for Sky and for me..who could ask for more? Yet my heart is heavy somehow. I am torn between telling Wyatt and leaving it be because I am unsure of his reaction, though I shouldn't be. Do I truly owe him an explanation? He went back to Chris without a second thought. He moved on from me and I from him or so we both thought. I should be cuddled in my fiance's arms, enjoying this moment and here I am playing tug of war with my heart yet again. How can I marry one man that I love and yet look another man in the eye, whom I love just as much..if not more..and tell him there will never be an us now. How the hell do I break the news to Wyatt...or do I simply say good bye to him without another word...