Memoirs of Madness ~27

Even as I shimmer back home to stand outside of Wyatt's place, I recalled that I hadn't heard from Willa either and as close as we had become over a short period of time, this seemed a bit out of place as well. I can remember vividly standing outside the door to the house, hesitant to knock and hesitant enter. Maybe he has already made his choice and that is why I have heard absolutely nothing. My heart races and my breathing quickens as I stand outside. And here only not so long ago I was excited about ringing in the New Year with Wyatt. I know I felt it the moment I pushed open the door and the air about the place was charged differently. I think some part of me wanted to deny to what I sensed, what was very tangible in the air. Now, thinking back I knew exactly what I was walking into. It was the stench of darkness, of one who has crossed over. But I know I tried brushing off, pretending it wasn't so. I already knew Wyatt had gone dark side before and stood every potential to go back there. Once you have been lured..and it only does take one time, it is so easy to succumb for any reason what so ever. I had shut the door behind me and begun a slow search of the house, finding no one, and listening to my heart slowly pull apart. Questioning why he took this choice or trying to find a reason would be futile on my part because the reasons could be hundreds. But I can guess what the reason easy enough. I could always be wrong, but what other obvious reason is there. He is stuck with a decision if all the rumors are true, if what his friends have said to me are true, and he has chosen the easy way out. Being dark, finding the evil that resides within one self is an extremely cathartic way to avoid caring, to avoid making tough choices or to avoid hurting someone. Only those who have dealt with that calling and had to fight it would understand how soothing it can be to give in and let go. And now I completely blame myself for having to leave even though I could not avoid it. I think Wyatt and I are much alike in that way, that we command attention from the one we love and when it's gone, life is hard to bear. Or maybe that is me and I am trying to find a much simpler explanation for me to bear. Because to think I have not given enough of myself, or given up everything for this man, or to think I am unworthy is too much to bear. As I discovered no one home at this time I found myself lingering in the door way of the bedroom, staring at the bed for what seemed an eternity in the quiet stillness of the house. So many good times, but they always seemed shadowed as if we were both holding something back. Me because I am afraid of being hurt again, Wyatt's reasons? Again I can not even hazard a guess. And as I turned to see the Christmas tree dark and empty underneath, I know I sobbed. Still, Wyatt did not come home, even when I called out to him. Still I can not get any one on the phone, and still I sit here wondering about the fate of all of us. I am home now, on the balcony, with Maltease seated at my side, but it gives me no comfort tonight. For now I will hunt and try to boldly find some answers to anyone who might know something about Wyatt and if I find nothing, I will go find my way back to the Underworld and risk getting caught if it means saving Wyatt from damning himself for an eternity, rather he chooses me or I am left on my own again...