Memoirs of Madness~17

The view right now is breath taking. There is no other way to describe the sun coming over the horizon to signal the start of another day. The sky is colored in shades of oranges and reds like it is being lit on fire. I could blame the coffee I have been drinking non stop for my nearly sleepless night, but I know that is not the truth of it. It was the dream that woke me and the remnants of it that brought me out here to watch the night become glorious day. It is the first time I can recall dreaming in forever. Maybe I have before this night and simply can not recall it. But never have I had anything so vivid pop from my imagination or subconscious. Or wherever it is that dreams come from. But I will come back to that later. Because maybe it's a combination of my now muddled thoughts. The ones I have been trying to leave behind and for the most part I have been successful. I can say without a single doubt that I love Sky. I am as sure of this as I am of my demonic nature. We continue to grow closer, to open up more to each other, and my thoughts of Wyatt have diminished into a small corner of my mind, tucked neatly away in a tidy little pile. Or so I thought. Again, it is in my alone moments when the most random things will hit me and yesterday as I explored more of San Francisco on my own, these thoughts were like bullets shot straight to my heart. It was the oddest thing for me, to try and deal with the random moments I thought I had left behind me. The ones that I would so willingly assume mean nothing to him. Memories it was time to let go of and move on with  my life with Sky. Memories like the time he was sick and I laid with him the night through on the couch, keeping a close eye on him. Of making breakfast in the nude for him. The time spent in the park speaking of all things love as I tried to figure out my emotions, grinning in triumph as he slid down a slide with me. The first night I ever spent the night, sleeping in his arms and watching it result in a cold shower the next morning as he teased me and then left me hanging. All the late night talks after our nights of passion, simply to prolong our time together. All of these thoughts leading up to the intense, very vivid, very erotic dream. I am glad I was alone because I am unsure if I speak in my sleep and would have a lot of explaining to do as I am sure Wyatt's name would have left my lips more than once. And once again I am led down that path that colors me more wicked than that of any demon. I have to stop this madness! Sky deserves to have all of me, not just a shell of what I could give him, but he drives me mad with always remaining calm in all things. I hate comparing him to Wyatt, but in my mind I am uncontrollable in this! Sky, whom I can't evoke much emotion from, not even a heated argument, loves me more unconditionally than I deserve! Wyatt who will allow every emotion but that of being carefree..drives to the very core of me..but has never uttered one word of love. And as I dive deeper into my memories of him, I don't recall him ever using that word..not even when speaking of Chris. Committed, complicated were the words he used. It is time to put away these games I play with myself. Things with Sky have grown very serious now and it is time too let the what ifs and memories be. I had Wyatt for a time and my time has come and gone. I as not what he wanted and needed..Sky is good for me, good for taming that restless part of me, for making me feel deserving of the affections he bestows upon me. For quenching the fire that always seems to rage in me. I have only one thing to fear from things being so...uncomplicated for the first time in my life..is this what I want?...will I be satisfied with a life of mediocre passion?...Am I ready to settle for the flame of a candle that will never burn me instead of the raging fire that threatens to always consume me when it is near?...