Memoirs of Madness~18

I believe it is almost six months now that I have been with Sky and he is planning something, though I am not sure what it could be. He has grown a bit..secretive, but not in a way that worries me so much. I still maintain my own place, but have found myself more and more at Sky's with him. Shara has moved in with me to help her gain her own sense of being on her own and not so much under her brothers thumb. I am not sure this will help with her "demons", although we have begun a slow process of this. I don't claim to be a psychologist or psychiatrist, I am not sure Shara would ever bother with either of those types of doctors, so if I am all she has to talk to for the time being..I will strive to do my best by her. I come to find it so surprising how easily people accept what I am. It boils down to two types of people these days, those who are accepting and those who would run screaming from me. Not that I would blame them, there are plenty of days I would run screaming from myself as well. I remember saying I would never lie to myself in these pages and so I shall not. f I could not be honest with myself here, then I would certainly never be at any kind of peace and I long for this more than anyone could ever know. I was doing really well, in face exceptionally well at tucking Wyatt away until earlier this evening when we happened across each other. Oh, the betrayal of my mind and body, my heart..I would include my soul as well in that line up if I had it intact. My face remained emotionless other than the smile that admitted it was nice to see him, but the same old feelings reared their ugly head. I had to keep him at arms length. I couldn't even afford a hug for fear I would linger to close to him and then become completely undone. Upon sight of him, my heart quickened, there was the pleasant tightening in the pit of my stomach as desire blossomed, I know I licked my lips because my mouth was suddenly dry. Me..who always knows what to say even if it's the wrong thing remained speechless other than a few sentences and phrases. He looks good, but not happy. He still has that haunted look about him that maybe only I can somehow manage to see. By all things unholy how I wanted to wrap my arms around him. The moments lasted too short of a time. The moment he was gone from my sight, I felt the empty hollow ache I thought I had been rid of. All the things I hear about first loves I am beginning to understand the truths behind them. You never really truly get over them. Nearly six months with little to no word with him and I come unhinged and needy the moment he is within touching distance. I would weep at my own stupidity if I didn't deem it such a weak thing for em to do. He doesn't want me like I want him and in Sky I have found what I need. Patience, kindness, love, and someone who will never hurt me. Yes, Sky is what I need..but I question..is he what I want?