A place where my jumbled thoughts are settled a bit more and I can think clearly or not think at all if I choose to do so. It has been maybe about two weeks since I have last written anything in these pages. I sit now on the balcony of my home, a cup of coffee beside me, my feet propped up on the lounge chair, my notebook and pen here on my lap, and the ocean breeze blows gently around me. If one could ever find peace on earth, it is located here. And in this moment I know that I will never settle for living in anyplace that does not have the ocean in it's back yard. I have been busy decorating my home, spending obscene amounts of time with Sky and even Shara and I have become close. We are more like sisters than friends, at least this is the way i view our friendship/relationship. Where as Sky is so very giving and sweet, Shara is stubborn and almost refuses to ever listen to me. Or maybe she listens to me, but refuses to admit I am ever right anything. It is hard to get someone to understand that centuries of hard living and existing have taught me a thing or two. Now that I am settled in spirit I have only my heart to settle as well. It is true, I do love Sky, but I also love another. I wonder how many women or even men have been torn by this notion, loving two people at the same time, but I suppose my heart should settle easily. Because Wyatt has made it easy, it seems he has forgotten about me these days or maybe simply has no need for me. Other than the off chance of seeing each other and exchanging small words that really mean nothing, it would appear he has no need for me any longer. So, I should be focused solely on Sky. I am mostly focused on him and working on the most normal relationship I have ever known. Other than the occasional fighting of demons with Shara, things are pretty normal. Again, it is in moments like this when I do have time to myself that I let my mind wander to Wyatt. I wonder how he is doing, if he has truly found the happiness he deserves and that Chris is giving him all the attention he deserves. I still occasionally drive by his place, hoping for a glance into his true self, but I have thus far failed at it. I know when he is face to face with me he is still guarded, he still hides from me. In the rare moments we see each other it is hard to not reach out a hand and touch his cheek, gaze deeply into his eyes, to want to draw nearer to him with my eyes closed as I wait for the sweet sensation of his breath upon my lips..but I torture myself with such thoughts of things passed and gone. Any future I have is with Sky who has shown me every ounce of kindness, who wears his heart upon his sleeve, who would move heaven and earth for me, and would do anything I asked of him. How? How can I be in love with a person who would hang the sun and moon for me, but remains so very reserved as if passion is not something he ever gives into? And the other man is reserved in his emotions but unleashes such unbridled passion as if I were his sun and moon, but puts me away from him every time we draw near? Two completely different man that make me feel two completely different things and yet I would still give everything to the one who would break my heart over and over again if I would allow it. I know demons are an unruly bunch and we live for chaos and torture..but this..this is something I would never wish on my worse enemy...
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