Memoirs of Madness~54

Things always have a way of turning around. Or so I have been told. I don't know. I am still unsure of so many things, including the fact that I spent the entire day with Wyatt and things seemed..normal? Okay, maybe not normal, but better. I think. I was truly surprised that he was even around today for as long as he was, but I could understand his excitement. After I learned of the surprise I could understand it. It felt good holding his hand. slipping back into the old ways of teasing each other and never seeming to get enough of each other's kisses. Though it felt like old times, I could still feel the doubt creeping around the corners of my mind. He took me to a building right near the beach. A building with some pretty amazing condos in it, only to reveal how the one we were standing in now belonged to us. I can not deny what a huge step this is for us. Until now we had spent our time between both of our apartments and there was no denying the look of pride on Wyatt's face. He had done this for us, he had done this for me. I didn't need him to tell me did, I simply knew it.  And the thoughts took over instantly as I walked around the place in complete awe. I ignored the small talk between the stuck up Realtor and Wyatt as they made plans to finalize the paperwork. I showed Wyatt where the Christmas tree would go and how we would have family and friends over to celebrate. Then we headed upstairs and we stood in one smaller room, Wyatt's arms around me as he stood behind me, his hands resting against my belly as he stroked it softly. This was the baby's room. I could picture exactly where the rocking chair would go and his bed, the blue paint that would adorn its walls and suddenly the past few months of feeling broken and unwanted disappeared. It's funny how this man can turn my moods so quickly. But this is what would now occupy my mind. Instead of hunting I will prepare our home and get movers to help me move things in. I will get the baby room ready as well and these things shall now keep my mind from wandering. Though I am alone again tonight, though I have cried while in the shower as I felt the ache of Wyatt being gone far too soon once more, I feel I have a better grasp on what is to come. I do believe Wyatt loves me, I know he does, though he still seems unable to completely let go and open up all the way. I know he seems to not see the walls I have built back up or the subtle changes in my holding back a part of me, I see right through him. He is trying, but he is still so distant and this scares me most of all. If neither of us can completely open up to the other and be honest without fear of being chastised, angering the other, or telling each other our feelings are silly..what kind of future do we truly stand to have? After all..how can the things you feel be counted against you or so easily dismissed..emotions though hidden sometimes..speak more truth than any human or demon tongue could ever claim to..