Memoirs of Madness~43

I should have known something was desperately wrong. I haven't been feeling completely myself over the past couple of weeks, maybe a bit longer. It is hard to pinpoint when it happened. I have been feeling constantly sick and my powers have been off, mostly non existent, though I have kept it all to myself. I have kept every bit of my "issues" hidden from everyone as I tried desperately to figure out what was going on. It all became clear a few nights ago, I awoke to three demons standing over me, I would have thought it a dream if not for the extreme pressure of a hand pressed against my throat. It was clear that it was better not to fight until I could learn why they were there and then I could only hope I was quick enough and strong enough to save myself.But it seems they wanted to forma deal with me, though at that point it was unclear what I could possibly have that they wanted. It turned out to be more of what they didn't want. I am pregnant. I do not understand the hows because it is something that should be an impossibility for me, but the truth remains. It answers why I have been feeling so strangely. In exchange for my own life and the baby's I must remain silent on the baby's true paternity. I was confused at first as the demon holding me moved away and allowed me to breathe properly. I had sat up in bed, letting my hand massage the soreness there. See, there is a possibility of two fathers. The baby is a Halliwell and they see it as an opportunity to gain more power as he grows, but for now I will remain silent or forfeit both of our lives, Wyatt's, Willa's, Sky's and Shara's as well hang in the balance. It would be much easier to kill me and be done and not worry about anything, but the power hungry idiots will bind his powers until they deem worthy. Oh, how they underestimate who I am, for I will find a way around this mess. I will not put anyone else at risk, especially the life that grow inside of me. I accept this child for the miracle he or she is. But the thought is killing me to have to lie about this,if the truth happens to come out later it will shatter so many more lives than it would right this moment. I offered them up defiance, refused to be their puppet to the tune of my stomach twisting in pain as if I were dying a million deaths. They show, nightly, at least one of them every night to invade my dreams and keep me accountable for the deal that has been made. Maybe it will be okay to raise this child and then when they come to come claim her or him..I will fight them to the death. Maybe. The only thing that will be hard to live with is the lie. Wyatt will deny me if he learns I am pregnant and believes the child is not his. Oh, the tangled web I have weaved about myself since the day I walked into this damnable city. And now my fate is sealed. I went to the doctor's today, with Sky, and he was ecstatic about the idea of having a child. Could he not read the sadness in my eyes? See the turmoil on my face or the agony in my voice. Have I become so good at deceiving that he can not see these things. Tomorrow I will confront Wyatt, tell him this awful lie in order to protect him...in order to protect everything and everyone I have come to hold dear. There is no end to my turmoil other than death, but even that is not a choice now...it's all been stripped from me. Even now..free from it's torment and trappings, hell still has me locked firmly in its jaw...yes, my fate is sealed and all I want is death now for myself.