Memoirs of Madness~49

So many changes in so little time. All I ever want to do is eat lately, despite the morning sickness or the twenty four sickness as I prefer to call it. I am only slightly beginning to show. To most people I probably don't look pregnant at all, but I can see and feel the subtle changes. I am amazed at all a body goes through when it comes to carrying a tiny life inside of you. Nausea, throwing up, tender breasts, mood swings, and my ever growing craving for french fries. I loved them before, every since I first tried them, but now it is much like an addiction. I believe it has become my main food group. I don't see much of Sky or Shara these days, but that is to be expected after all the hurt and damage I have caused for a second time. I try to spend as much time with Willa as possible which never really is enough for me, but I know she has that damned boyfriend of hers to spend time with. I really try hard to keep my mouth shut about that boy, because Willa deserves so much better than that juvenile disrespectful little punk, but she loves him so I have to do everything in my power to turn the other cheek when really..I'd like to kick his ass. If I am going to speak the truth in these pages then I might as well be honest about that little shit as well. He's going to hurt her, it's an intuition that won't go away. And my relationship with Wyatt continues to grow a bit deeper each day. It's such a different feeling to know you truly love someone, but somehow each day you seem to love them more. He is still gone often and Willa tries to fill those spaces of empty time, bless her heart, but along with all the other symptoms of being pregnant comes something else. New worries that plague your mind. Unlike most mothers, I am concerned with what powers our child may have, how adamant the underworld will be to get their hands on our child, will I be a decent mother, will I do right by this child, and with Wyatt so bogged down in his duties I wonder if he will miss out on all the greatest milestones of his child. I am not sure why, but that right now clouds most of my thoughts. I want this baby to be raised in a home where both parents contribute, now that Wyatt knows the truth and can be there for his child. And I miss him. I miss him when he is away for so long. It is hard to not have him near. It's hard to not become restless and do foolish things like hunt to pass time and wind up in the hospital for several days while your body "winds" down to a more stress free level. Or so that's what the doctor's call it in plain English so I could understand. Though I am stuck here for at least one more day, it was nice to spend one night with Wyatt curled up in the hospital bed beside me, his strong reassuring arms around me as we huddled together and slept. And then last night with Willa, loads of girlie magazines spread all over the bed. Though we both know I am not into fashion, dresses, or rings of any kind..we spent hours pouring over these things just to occupy my time. She always knows just what to do to lighten my moods. But, my thoughts constantly wonder back to Wyatt and the night he spent with me here. There was something weighing heavy on his mind, something he tried to get out a couple of times, but then changed his mind. I never did get out of him what had him looking so serious. I hope he is not hiding anything from me or something has made him extremely serious or upset and he won't let me share the burden with him..but that is my Wyatt..ever serious..and ever a complete mystery to me. I wonder, if one day, I will ever unravel that mystery...