Memoirs of Madness~39

Men are the most stubborn creatures ever created. And I mean the human males. They far out weigh any other creature I have come across. The same race so eager and hell bent on destroying themselves and each other most of the time, also carry such courageous amounts of love and compassion that it is frightening. I asked him not to. I told Wyatt he owed me nothing and especially not this. Yes, I strive to maintain my humanity and maybe someday be given the forgiveness for what I am and for the things I have done. But that should be my burden. I am a demon, I chose to be a demon over three hundred years ago. It is a life I am damned to live because once so very long ago I damned myself to live it. It doesn't matter what I choose now, it can't be changed. Can it? The same man who seemed so saddened by his own loneliness only days ago has decided to risk his life for one soul that is so ravaged and damaged, it may not be worth saving. How can he risk so much for me, for the soul I bartered with. I begged him to not go, told him it was a mistake, that he would end up hurt or worse..the damned man is stubborn. Chris would kill me if he found out, which I am sure in the end he will, regardless. I kissed him over and over, held tight to him, hoping he would change his mind because I simply could not live a life without him in it or live a life where I was responsible for him losing his. The pleading fell on deaf ears as he orbed from my arms. We aren't even..what are we? Friends? Something more? I am not even sure anymore. A few stolen kisses, a few nights spent each other's arms..but nothing more than that has happened. So what does that make us really? Not that it matters as long as the world does not take him from me. I have spent close to three days pacing the floor, giving excuses to stay home and not go anywhere for fear he could not find me if he needed. I am sure Sky is not suspicious, he just thinks I am not well and too busy. I keep finding myself going to Wy's apartment, waiting for him, calling out to him with no answer at all. I was there tonight, waiting, my curiosity leading me to walk through the apartment, taking in his very essence. It did something to my heart to see small reminders here and there of Chris, to catch his lingering scent now and again mixed in with Wyatt's. I have no right to be jealous or even worry about such things when Wyatt is risking everything. Without warning he is there, in front of me, looking well, but looking exhausted. At first I thought it was truly him, but was too quickly find out it was nothing more than a projection of himself, telling em not to worry, assuring me everything will be all right. With one small kiss, a kiss that still lingers on my lips, he was gone again. It seemed telling him to come back home and forget this foolish but noble notion of his was not heeded. This is all I can do..pace and write..I don't even remember the last time I ate anything or even thought of it. Not even that matters..I just want him home and whole..even if it is not with me. Not even that matters right now..Please come home, Wyatt..please, come home safe and sound..I can't live in a world where you are not in it..