Memoirs of Madness~53

I have heard from others who have kept journals and diaries that you sometimes go back to read what you have written and laugh at how over dramatic things seemed. I am not sure I could feel that way. As my stomach begins to grow, so do my powers, and so does the distance between Wyatt and I. I am still able to hide the pregnancy should I choose to do so, but I am proud of this child, our son, Wyatt's son. I have come to learn that with my anger comes a nifty little power of blowing things up, even when I don't want to, sneezing causes me to be surrounded by these little white orb type things and I wind up in a completely different room than I started in, and if I feel threatened I am suddenly surrounded by this light mist that turns out to be some sort of force field for lack of a better term. I am..invincible. And it makes it so much easier to make excuses to hunt. I can no longer sit still and wait for the time when he will call or decide to come home. I am not sure I can do this at all any longer. I did not sign up for this. Yes, I knew there would be times when life would pull him away from me and I knew it would not be easy. But there is a difference between a small stretch of the truth and a full blown damned lie. I should know. Demons build their lives around them. I..DID..NOT..SIGN..UP...FOR..THIS!! Nowhere did anyone tell me that I would be lucky to see my fiance once a week, no one told me I would feel this damned lonely, or that my powers would go absolutely crazy. I can not distinguish myself from this child and the one person who could truly help me understand is a billion lifetimes away. I have become an expert at hiding my emotions, more so than when I once did before happening upon this city. I had constructed walls that could not or would not be torn down by anyone. Or so I had thought. I have begun constructing them again. I put on a brave face every time I see Shara or Sky..even Willa when I do see her. It is easy enough to do when they all have their own lives they are involved in. I blend in more than I could ever dream possible. The demon who used to stand out and take no shit form anyone is long gone, in her place now stands a demon who has become invisible. And yet..I still dare to anger Wyatt, to bring him home in anger at me for daring to jeopardize my health and that of our unborn child. And still he seems oblivious to why I do this. I, no longer know what I am supposed to do. My head and heart, both whom thought they were finally settled have once again begun to war with each other. Do I let go of a childish woman's dreams or do I hold onto the love of a lifetime?