Memoirs of Madness~51

To say the first couple of weeks of our engagement was like heaven would be such a misgiving because I don't know what heaven is like. I do imagine it being much like the first couple of weeks, though. Moments of passion, laughter, and love seemed to flow in abundance, but the time came for all of the duties the Elders needed Wyatt to do became increasingly irritating. He is gone for days at a time. Not a word, not a note, not even a phone call. These days are hardest for me. To go from days upon days with Wyatt to seemingly nothing, though I knew these moments might exist. But, trust me when I say it does not make them any easier. And it is within theses times that I have started to lose much needed sleep. The nightmares are horrible, very real, and far more horrific than any hell bound soul would need to concern themselves with. Every night it is the same, every night someone has taken our child from me, a son I call Matthew in my dreams. I find myself plowing through demon after demon, my clothes and hands drenched in their blood as I fight my way to find my child and the husband who is missing. It is inevitable that I find my husband first, the dream never changing course no matter the choices I make within the confines of my deep sleep. Wyatt is chained, beaten, and broken to a point where he refuses to even look at me. I am not sure if this is because he can not stand the sight of me or wishes to no longer look at me. He insists I go look for our son, that he is of no use and can not help me. And though I may drop to my knees, begging and pleading with him, the shackles are never removed and I am all alone. Sobbing, soaked in demon blood, I leave this man I no longer know and continue to search for our son only to awaken in a cold sweat, sometimes with scratches where a demon may have attacked, my clothes torn, and even once or twice a few bruises have marred my skin. I do not wish to sleep, even though my health and body demands, even though the child growing in me needs me to do so. I am afraid to sleep for fear I may find out what all of this truly means. And as the weeks stretch out in front of me and my belly does as well, ever so slowly, so does the time between visits from Wyatt when he comes home. There is that distinct sinking feeling that I am headed for a fall yet again. Have I become the trophy wife that Dean seemed to make me? Now that you have me, there is no sense in sticking around. Or has he asked me to marry him simply because it is the right thing to do with a baby on the way. There is a deep seated fear in thinking you have yet again followed the wrong path and allowed your heart to lead you astray. But, then your heart reminds you of all the reasons you have taken the risk to begin with...