Memoirs of Madness~44

If it wasn't for the tiny life growing inside of me, I would turn myself in and make some god damned demon a rich son of a bitch. But, then again, if it wasn't for the tiny life growing inside of me, I wouldn't feel like dying a million tortured deaths at the hands of the worse demon hell had to offer. These words come hard and they come slow, because it is hard to work through the tears that demand to be ever present. I did not it was possible for a body to shed so many tears. I would have thought they would have dried up hours ago. I am exhausted and feel like I could sleep for at least a week straight and still not find the energy to go on. I keep seeing both of their faces over and over again and it all plays out like a horrendous nightmare of sorts. Sky ecstatic and full of hope. Wyatt heart broken, I think, and full of such venom and anger. Not that I can blame him. If not for the fact that I carry a piece of him within me, I would leave this body and give myself over to whatever fate awaits me. He came over tonight, full of affection and passion as always, but he knew something was up and I knew I had to tell him before things went any further. Although it happened hours ago, it still stings like it was a mere few minutes. I stood on the stairs, several steps up from him, unable to look him in the eyes for fear he might see the truth written there and then his life would be forfeit. All of our lives would be forfeit. I know he would chastise me for not believing he was stronger than these demons, but so many more lives were at stake here and I couldn't risk it. I couldn't risk the soul of our child being taken by Lilith. He demanded to know who the baby belonged to, but I couldn't utter one single word. I couldn't bring myself to lie or tell the truth either way as the tears started, only to never shut down. I can remember the anger in the words at how he would never touch me again, never touch a woman who was pregnant by another man. I remember my legs giving out beneath me as I sank to the stairs in defeat, I remember saying his name to try and calm him and rationalize things, and I remember wishing god would strike me dead. and like that he was gone and I was left to my own shattered world. I guess I deserve this, this is what happens when you play with fire and I still have yet to learn my lesson. It was hours before I moved from those dreaded stares, hours before I could finally lift my head. How I wish there was someway around this, some way for the truth to come out without me saying a word. I don't know how long I can live this lie and still live here in San Francisco. Maybe the only thing left to do is run, but this is no way to raise a child. And, I know better than most, what a demon wants...a demon will find and destroy for. I am sorry little one, sorry for the world you will be brought into and most of all...I am sorry you will not get the chance to know your father. If ever you should one day gain access to all my thoughts. I want you to know this one thing..you were conceived of a love and passion that none other has ever witnessed.