Memoirs of Madness~67// Part 2~Paris

To say I am giddy is an understatement. I am such a ball of energy since arriving here. My mind won't slow down it's thought processes long enough to allow me to catch a breath. I sit here watching him sleep, my notebook settled on my lap as I listen to the even sounds of his breathing. I had given up the idea of soul mates and "meant to be" romances long ago, but there must be something of the truth behind the concept. I can no longer believe that Wyatt and I constantly drawn together for no reason at all. We are like an unstoppable force of nature when things are good between us. Unfortunately, this is Paris. Home will be another matter all together. But for now, there will always be Paris. We spent the afternoon playing like lovers do and I forbade myself to speak any more of what all of this meant, what would happen after Paris. I forbid myself to consider I was headed for another broken heart. The evening, when the city lit up and came to life, found us on top of the Eiffel Tower, Wyatt's arms wrapped around me securely from behind as we watched fireworks off of the Seine River. I can be honest with the fact that my heart saddened at how perfect this all felt and how right it seemed to be. And knowing, on the other hand it was so wrong. One thing about my time spent with Wyatt that I could always count on was that we were happy. And we didn't just love each other, we were in love with each other and still are. No matter how much either of us may deny it or even at times doubt the other, it was there. It was moments like these, combined with everything else that came with being with Wyatt, that kept me coming back. Here, I could see in his eyes and in his actions, the person he could be if he allowed himself that luxury. Not about to let the moment go unsurpassed without something even more spectacular, he guided me to the other side of the tower where not a single person lingered. From this side there were no spectacular fireworks to be seen. Diving from the top floor of the Eiffel Tower and watching the ground reach up to race you is not for the faint of heart. Though, I must be honest in saying I closed my eyes the moment Wyatt, with me secure in his arms, managed to jump from the tower. Somewhere midway, my scream was cut off by the worse sort of fear that we were about to die. Only to open my eyes, with my body safely against the ground and the this big giant of man, grinning from ear to ear, covering his body with mine. He was like a kid in a candy store as I chastised him, though part way down he had orbed us to safety. It is the difference between night and day to see him like this and I couldn't help but grin back at him. We finished the night off atop the Arc de Triomphe on the Champs de Elysee yelling at the top of our lungs of our love for each other. Again, the moments are nothing but undeniable joy and happiness, but the twinge settles in my heart and causes it to ache. I say we will always have these moments no matter what happens next, but to have to give them up still threads your mind with fear. I think we should bring Matthew here with us and simply live our lives out in Paris. But I know to utter such words would bring a reprimand from Wyatt. There are things that must be attended to back home if we are truly to be together. I can feel deep down that something has shifted, something has changed for both of us, that this time is not the same. I simply don't know what that means at this time..what have we shifted to? This is it..this is when we finally get it right..or this is truly it..our last big fling? Even I can't believe that one..it's hard to stand against nature..when nature wants to run it's course...