Memoirs of Madness~11

To stay or not to stay has become the ultimate question, though it would seem my head has told me to stick around or maybe it is my heart. Sometimes the two play tricks on each other and like to see just how much turmoil I can take. Jokes on both, I can take much more than my heart or my head could ever know. But, I took time out today to some apartment hunting, leading me to believe my mind is pretty much made up and not much can detour me from my choice. I have seen a couple of possibilities and might take a day or two to decide things over. I don't want to go into this too hastily, though I could have my pick of any place I prefer something more intimate and near the beach. I have learned plenty about investing my monies in many places over the centuries, building up an unimaginable amount of wealth that would leave most humans reeling. But it is better spent on those in need and there are more causes than I could name would benefit from the money and I could still afford to live rather comfortably. Odd, I am sure to most, that someone/something like me has taken on such creature comforts over the years, but when you have an eternity to live out your life, such things start out as curiosity and then become a part of who you are. An eternity as long as I stay far enough off radar. There is a pretty good price on my head among my kind for being a traitor, but..ah well..I have not been defeated thus far or taken in. After a day of searching and thinking more than I cared to, I found myself at the only other place I ever cared to be, but as I shimmered in, which I am sure had become an annoying habit on my part, I encountered a female. This bitch was tall, gorgeous, built like the type of woman most men would kill for. She was a goddess cloaked as a human. And I say bitch because this was the first thought to enter my mind. This creature had captured Wyatt's attention and was moving in for the kill. I am sure my eyes bled to their black demonic color in that instant, albeit briefly, as this monster jealousy consumed me. It was one thing to know he was still with Chris and I was simply his side thing, it was a whole other to bring this bimbo into the circle and invade what I saw as my place. My place to fill when Chris could not. One would think this night would have some sort of horrific end, as did I at first. I was ready to tear her hair out and defend my man, but the tables turned quickly. God, or whoever, I wished Wyatt would quit playing with potions! I would have thought he would have learned from the whole reverting back to being a kid again. But no, this stubborn man had to dabble a bit more. The undeniably gorgeous creature before me, the one who made me question my own femininity, was Wyatt. I would pause here for a moment to reflect some more as I did  when I came to realize the situation, but it would not give the desired affect in writing as the moment did in person. Wyatt and I had been back to what we had been in the very beginning..lovers and friends. And I would accept many things, but this..took some getting used to. Strangely enough we turned the situation to something positive and I took advantage of treating Wyatt to some true girl time. It is extremely hilarious if I think about it spending an evening getting slightly dolled up, going out drinking and dancing, having a slumber party, and doing what girls do. Though I am surprised I remember what that all entailed. The most difficult of this whole situation was despite that I was faced with a female, it was still Wyatt and my feelings still remained intact. Though his outside was different, inside he was still the same man I had grown to love over a short period of time. I could go into details of the talking, the laughter, snacks and movies. But one thing happened, something I would not have expected or maybe I was just dense in thinking nothing would happen. When emotions are involved and passions run extremely high and the object of my affections is curious. Who am I to deny him? Even Chris could not see past the outside form and denied Wyatt his curiosity. I am no angel, as I have stated before, and I have lived a long enough existence to have my fair share of experiences, but this was new for even me. As a woman it is easy enough to know what a woman enjoys, what turns her on, and what can ease any amount of tension. I choose delicate words here because I am not writing a porn novel for all to read. No, these words are for me and I don't want to mar what the moment meant. Though I was able to achieve the desired affect to sate his curiosity, there was more to the moment than that. Again, maybe I am a fool, but doesn't it count for something that I didn't care what he looked like. Does it not count for something that I still saw who he was on the inside? There is no such thing as unconditional love..there are always conditions..mine is simply that if he is with me, that he would be with me and no one else..but my love for him is as unconditional as it could possibly get. Does that not count for something?