Memoirs of Madness~10

My own dagger turned against me. I need to remind myself to never piss off a jealous lover again or maybe I should say my husband, not that I am sure marriage is anything I will dive into again anyhow. I am a demon, not a woman, or so I am trying to convince myself right now at this point in time. All it took was one night in Wyatt's arms, an entire night wrapped in perfection and by the time I was home facing a pissed off Dean, I knew it was over. For me, it had never really begun. I know that right now I am an ugly person, demon side not withstanding. I am ugly for marrying Dean as an escape and I am a wretched excuse for anything good for living with the thought that someday Wyatt and I will be together.  One look told Dean all he needed to know, things were thrown and such ugly words were thrown and I deserved each one of them, but the fear crashed over me when my dagger wound up in his hands and at my throat. I didn't want to die again, only to have to find my way back again. Not that it would be so easy to escape those fiery depths again. With my dagger back in my possession, a cut upon my throat, several bruises later, and my few possessions in my hands that I could gather I found myself back in an old run down motel again. The kind where you pay them enough and they will turn a blind eye to anything that may happen. I sit wrapped in a towel weighing my options right now and I still don't know what they are. My heart for traveling and staying a loner, never connecting to anyone is no longer a part of who I am. And aside from Wyatt, I have grown to love San Francisco. After all, there is much work to be done here, an obscene amount of "dark" things roaming the streets that need to be taken care of. This does not mean Wyatt will drop his life for me, leave Chris and make me his. I am not fool enough to think he will, but I do cling to some form of hope. This is absolute madness, this addiction I have to him, the willingness to change whatever I have to, do whatever I have to just to remain close to him. At this point close is better than nothing at all. But, I will wait till tomorrow evening to see him. To let him know Dean and I are over and through no fault of his own. This was my own mistake to own up to. By tomorrow night the bruises and ego will have healed enough to leave no traces of being wounded. I have one weakness, something I thought I would never have to admit to again and Wyatt is it. For him I would do all of those romantic gestures you hear humans swear to. For him I would move heaven and earth, for him I would settle in one city just to be there the moment he should need or want me, for him I would always drop life to come running, and for him only..would I die a thousand deaths if it would bring him nearer to wanting my heart for his own...