Memoirs of Madness~58

There was a time when I would have never believed that time really does heal all wounds. I am not sure I believe that I know, but I have a better understanding of it. I have to admit, I never thought I would find happiness again outside of all the unhappiness I had tangled myself in, but truth is..life with Sam is pretty decent. We get along beautifully, he takes care of me and makes sure I want for nothing, is ever mindful of the baby on the way, and is around all the time. He's also been very patient with me ever screwed up emotions when it comes to moving forward with our lives together. And anyone, who might be unlucky enough to dive into my brain, would know just how screwed up they have been. But, then again, it seems everyone has moved forward with their lives with one step or another. As true as all of this is, I would never deny that my heart still belongs to Wyatt, though I find myself tangled in his web less and less, there is no substitute for him. I know that, even now, I would more than likely give serious consideration to giving everything up for him, again. Oh, what a foolish heart I have. One that may possibly never figure it out that Wyatt does not want me. Or so I have led myself to believe. I am not sure which is a more bitter pill to swallow. That I wasn't who and what he needed or that he never loved me at all. You know, the whole distraction/plaything object for him.But now it is time to move ever more forward. There are plans to be made for the baby's birth and how we will handle things with visitations and holidays. The baby. My son. Wyatt's son. I keep avoiding writing anything down because it all still seems surreal. And I have to keep reminding myself that I have seen far crazier things. Someone from the future visiting the past is not so outlandish. But when it is the son you have yet to give birth to..things take on a far more different outlook. Matthew Warren Halliwell. Our son. I was drinking a cup of coffee at a local coffee shop this morning, minding my own business, off in my own little world when it happened. The moment I saw him something inside me knew. My coffee cup fell from my hand only to be caught in his hand with lightening quick reflexes before it fell to the ground. All I could do is stare at the boy who was or who will be the spitting image of his dad. I have yet to figure out why he is here, I was simply too busy looking at him and trying to wrap my mind around the fact that though he was still growing within my womb..here he stood before me in all of his sixteen year old attitude. How does one deal with a teenage son in the flesh who hasn't even, technically been born yet..and people wonder why I am completely crazy at times...